Pain
by InsaneIllusion
Summary: Everyone knows a little about pain. It all depends on what form you know best...' Advent Children LozTifa Rated Mature for a reason folks...


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Try as one might agony is never an easy thing to ignore. Not when you have spent your whole life just wanting to avoid it. And this was a pain that Loz had never been fully introduced to before in all his years. At least ones that he could bring up the nerve to recall.

He knew much of pain, of the vicious prodding, the cold poking of steel and heartless machinery. He knew what exhaustion, stiffness, and tiredness felt like. And so he had assumed he knew all forms of psychical suffering and torment. But he was wrong. Deathly wrong. And too late to take back assumptions now.

When ones is exposed they strip away all sense of security. Just like she had done with him. Smiling the dark haired woman had coaxed away the barriers of his will through gentleness. Her fingertips were soft and warm to the touch, they felt to soothing as they unzipped his jacket with a low groan and strummed across his bare chest. Her doe-like eyes wavered down upon him as she appeared to know exactly how to turn his will into rubber. Kadaj always said Loz was the weaker willed of the three.

Squirming like a wet kitten he struggled hard to wrestle out from beneath her but found that exhaustion was on her side today. Or else it was the fear and confusion that made him freeze up. With ease she slid the jacket down off his shoulders, gingerly tracing a hand up his arm, stroking the well toned muscles with a remarkably innocent fascination.

_"I won't hurt you…"_ He heard her promise.

His bottom lip began to tremor uneasily with the anxiety when her other hand began to unbutton his pants. Those cat-like eyes betrayed no hidden secrets, only childish fears. His chest began to have loudly now, struggling with the rising heat that flushed through his face. His lungs felt squeezed together when the tips of her delicate fingers found a way to coat the pants off as well.

She was so beautiful, so strong. A warrior women with a vicious fighting spirit and a lot more will than she let on. Or perhaps that was just the delirium of his mind that told him so. Her long tresses brushed like strands of warm silk over his skin, tickling him like a feather might. Her thin lips tightened with excitement as she slowly began to remove her vest, zipping loudly as she let it drop behind her in a gathered heap with the garments she had already removed off of Loz.

The creamy white undershirt, still crisp as snow like it were brand new, was easier to remove, to more his fear than enthrallment. Any other man would of greedily wanted to touch this woman with her chest now completely exposed to him. The light of the sun rippling off her rather exceptionally large breasts. Beads of sweats already slide across then, shining wet and exciting his body until it hardened beneath her.

"You like?" Her voice drifted over the blood pounding through his ears. Light hearted and almost golden.

Using one still damaged elbow to prop himself up Loz twirled one lock of her hair around his fingertip, admiring the rich coloring and the softness that could only come with many years of proper grooming habits. Her head swayed into the touch until he caressed her cheek reluctantly. Her skin was smoother than he'd anticipated and distracted him for a moment. It felt unfamiliar and enticing. Like satin sheets on a warm summers night. Or the softness of foamy pillows beneath ones head.

Still grinning she hobbled a little, fighting to pull down her shorts and kick them away along with her underwear. The thin, wispy garments fell over into the pile with the rest of the clothing. Oblivious to her nudity at first it seemed the silvery hair creature held more interest for tracing the outline of her well defined face with feathery light strokes. He might of never known the more fast paced, blood pounding adult-like situation if she hadn't pressed her hips against his.

The thick wiry bristles of curly hair that covered her sex ground against him, making his legs buck out from underneath her. The fear sparked like a roaring hearth in the back of his mind again. The uncertainty that he seemed to of so cleverly hidden from her were rendered almost as exposed as he was now.

With the potential to calm down the deliciously naïve figure squirming beneath her Tifa used both arms to help pull them both up into a sitting position. His heart pounded unsteadily with anticipation of what was going on, pulsing so much he feared it might burst right then and simply kill him.

By the way she was watching him she hadn't been expecting the sudden outburst of crying. Or better yet she'd never seen a full grown man with the nerve to openly do so without an excuse to deny it with. Loz just let the droplets of salty water come flowing out like a river dam before it breaks, releasing the pressure in one swift gust.

Some part of him bitterly wanted her to reject him for it. Wanted Tifa to scowl and turn away. Or call him 'Crybaby' with a click of her tongue. 'Hate me. Make my life so much more easier and just hate me...' He thought as he awaited her rejection without any disappointment.

The vicious bantering never came. However there was a gentle cooing sound emitted weakly from her soft lips. Like a mother cradling her newborn. His head found a place to nestle just above her breast, feeling a peculiar scent that came from her. Something he had never smelt before, something real, and raw to the senses.

Her fingers began to tease with some of the long hair on the back of his head, pulling out the occasional knot while avoiding causing him any pain. So gentle, so warm, like the mother he so desperately wanted. She reminded him of what a mother should be, yet her body showed no signal of any form of childbirth it might of endured. Perhaps instead she chose to be around children rather than have any herself. That would explain the shy little dark eyed imp of a girl that had been clinging to her side earlier.

So calm she remained even long after his noises reached their loudest point and the tears coursing down his face had rolled down onto her own skin until it glistened like sweat. His knees originally hand been pressing against hers through the traumatic ordeal, now she pulled herself until she was sitting in his lap and became a doll-like object to him. She morphed from the motherly stage rather slowly, allowing him the chance to just let the break down come out like air from a balloon, long denied it's escape.

_"You've never done this before have you?"_ She asked finally when the sobbing had died down. His head moved uneasily until it was just a little ways from the curve of her neck. "Is that why you are so afraid? Is it because you don't know what will happen to you?"

She asked finally when the sobbing had died down. His head moved uneasily until it was just a little ways from the curve of her neck. 

His tongue felt heavier than lead reluctant to admit she was right. How could he, she might laugh at him, and Loz never enjoyed becoming the center of mockery. Not since he was younger. And even then it still hurt him more than he dared say to his brothers.

The warm hands left his hair so suddenly and began pushing against his shoulders, soundlessly urging him to lay down again. He did so without asking why, or considering what she might (or could) do to him. Clothing itself can become a hardened shell against the world, but without it one becomes more vulnerable. Perhaps she knew it right from the start.

_"It does hurt. I promise."_ He heard her pleading, reassuring as her legs gradually opened up. She had positioned her hands to press downwards across his chest, teasing the sensitive skin. He let himself relax for a moment, long enough to feel her impulsive decision that coaxing might do nothing to help him through this. One hand blindly reached down past his waist until it clutched onto the swollen length that was still hardened. Her laughter was one of much anticipation when he bucked weakly and the shock of the touch.

"Tifa." His mouth found words at last though his throat felt like an unseen hand was squeezing onto it. The sensation was so new he could hardly understand it. She was careful with him, holding onto the swollen length while lifting her hips up and gently sliding it into her.

How intense such a sensation felt. No pain at all just like she promised but instead a slick and wet feeling of her folds gently enclosing around him as their bodies seemed to react to each other. A sweet and unexplainably wonderful thing. He shuddered softly when she pushed her hips against his, letting him discover how it felt to have something slick and moist sliding against the sensitive skin.

His back arched and all he could do was moan softly in delight, fond of the feeling so much that he responded to it by pushing back. Tifa carefully leaned her body against his until her breasts were crushed against his chest and they were both being blanketed by a mantle of long dark hair which she allowed to fall freely wherever it pleased.

The way she joined with him, the sweet caress of her soft skin brushing over his and the warmth her body emitted. The embrace itself was almost like a dance. An awkward one on his behalf for he moved with reluctance and the uncertainty of a teenager. To be expected from one who did not understand such a concept before.

Paths of fire melded between their two bodies, spiral, twisting, churning into a whirlwind of painful yet beautiful sensations. It was easy to accept the taboo that was this brief but memorizing longing. His lips coursed lightly over her collar bone, tasting the salt of her sweat and the powerful scent of desire the emitted from her.

She let out only the weakest moaning sounds as she rocked her hips still ever so gently against his. Responsive to his actions her arms clung around he neck, guiding his head along subtly, almost drowning in the ecstasy of what he presumed to be a long awaited wish for a lover so responsive to her. Even if it happened to be merely a remnant of something evil.

He thought he heard something shrill gnarl and gash in a wispy shriek through his ears. Something she could not hear that cried and sulked all at the same time. The anger and fury of a betrayed mother perhaps? Or was it just the heightened rage of delay from an older brother longing to taste life again?

_'Leave me alone today.'_ Mentally he begged while drawing close to a most long awaited climax_. 'For only a day let me hear only silence in my own head.'_ The voices seemed to stop and the angry protests of haunting spirits ceased long enough for him to savor the sensations that were this duet.

Something seemed to burn with agonizing desire inside him. Like a crackling fire or a spark that burns a match. Drowning him in the illusion that he might just burst right then in millions of scattered fragments. To become one with something so pure and sweet deserved a wretched outcome anyhow. But her desperate crying remained too close to remind him simply that death was not an option. Not right now...

Too soon their precious and secreted dance ended and the mist of dark hair that brushed against his bare skin seemed to drag away. Mere thin trails of light silk as she rolled off of him onto the ground. Beads of sweat trickled across her lithe and supple form as she panted heavily with the same fatigue he had.

Curled up against her, he found that he could feel her heart thumping loudly when he drew both hands against her chest. The reaction providing more comfort than rejection when Tifa let out a low sigh and turned herself over to be facing him, drinking in the warmth of their afterglow.

He found what he was looking for at least. Not necessarily the mother he'd been set out to recover but all the same this was just as much needed. Someone that calmed and murdered the frustration and deadened soul that was decaying inside him. A female whom so willingly loved without asking or demanding something in exchange. It hurt him a little when the hours ticked slowly by and the sun started to show glimpses of fading.

"I have to go." he explained heedlessly while drawing away from the woman's sweet embrace, feeling colder than before even when he pulled all his clothing back on. The urgent need to get out of there tugged at his brain but a soft hand grasped his shoulder with only an airy touch and the weight of a lighter figure leaning against his back rippled over the dry leather of his shirt.

_"Your going to leave me?"_ Tifa asked dryly. _"Everyone leaves me. A friend of mine left me two years ago through death. Another has left me to hold onto a memory of something no longer there. Everyone seems to have a habit of walking away. "_ With the urgency in her voice her hands dug deeper into the material, pressing down so hard it nearly hurt for him to be standing there. _"Your going to walk away from me too aren't you?"_

Loz felt his breath intake slower as his heart rate did. "Why do you put me through a guilt trip? You knew when you started out I would have to leave. People will forever be leaving and entering your life." He pulled away from her now, nearly tripping over a box that he hadn't seen earlier. A box full of glowing substance that peaked his interest.

_'Materia...'_ He thought blandly while listening to the bleak pouting Tifa made as she drew away from him to pull her clothing back on. He pretended to ignore her all the while, more interested in the materia box than her. A lie he played out all too well for it seemed when he cast a flickering glance her way that she believed it.

Tired, sore looking, and pained with burden she watched him, gritting back the hurt with a weak smile. Such a beautiful smile. A pretty little lie she made to hide everything that went on inside her mind. His many other things were hurting her on the inside he wondered. Her face was a deceiving one.

By the time he had prepared to sneak away the barrier of her pained longing had weakened in silence. Two thin hands latched onto his waist and held on for dear life while she cried softly against his shoulder. Perhaps the only time he'd seen someone other than himself weep and Loz tensed uneasily.

_"I don't want to be alone again! Please, I don't want to have to spend more time waiting for another love that isn't really there." _She begged, she pleaded and hopeless wept until there was a wet stain of salty tears across his shoulder and her voice turned from loud ragged sobs into near complete silence. He hushed her as one does an infant, shifting until her head found it's way to his chest where it lay listening to the pounding heartbeat he still slightly contained.

"Your tired Tifa. Go to sleep." He muttered, reframing from sympathy although a part of him wanted so badly to stay here with her. Orders are orders. He was here to find mother originally. The materia box would have been easier to take without her in the way…

She gave in to the subtle implication, yawning dryly while her hands formed weak fists. He lay he down in a soft patch where the golden flowers grew and the grass was warm to the touch. Sunlight drenched over her curled form that lay motionless on the ground, drifting off into the peaceful silence of rest. Better for her to remember only going to sleep rather than remembering him stealing the materia box.

His boots grounds against the earth as he heard a set of tiny footsteps pitter pattering around the back of the church. The little girl he saw with Tifa earlier? The one whom fled and hadn't returned yet? He smiled as he turned to follow the tiny noises and the mindless temptation to take her with him. At least Tifa would not realize it until she opened her eyes again. He would be long gone before she awoke…

Fin


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